THE TOP 15 *OTHER* SIGNS SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY A WOMAN

[saffi]

THE TOP 15 *OTHER* SIGNS SANTA CLAUS IS ACTUALLY A
WOMAN

    * 15. Santa *remembers* it’s Christmas. ‘Nuf said.
    * 14. Reads children’s letters in office instead of in bathroom.
    * 13. Never explains what exactly you did to deserve that coal in your
      stocking; if you have to ask, maybe that’s the problem!
    * 12. Employs little people in a sweatshop and co-hosts TV talk show, “Regis
      and Santa Lee.”
    * 11. Despite the closet full of red coats with big black belts, *still*
      insists she has nothing to wear on Christmas Eve.
    * 10. “Mrs. Claus” wears work boots, has a crew cut, and drives a ‘68 El
      Camino.
    * 9. A man simply would not care if you were naughty or nice.
    * 8. Actually seems to shake like TWO bowls full of jelly.
    * 7. Bowl full of jelly, my ass. It’s water retention.
    * 6. Constantly whining about equality until it’s time to clean out the
      reindeer stalls.
    * 5. Matching shoes and belt? Only a woman would accessorize a pantsuit like
      that!
    * 4. No guy would ever name his animals Dancer and Prancer.
    * 3. Santa never, ever observed peeing off of rooftops.
    * 2. The North Pole Blockbuster’s been out of “The Horse Whisperer” for
      weeks.
    * 1. With the way they build chimneys these days you’d *have* to be Calista
      friggin’ Flockhart just to get in!

[tatman]